Social psychology has shown that friendship relationships are built on similarity and proximity. And according to that he has drawn the following conclusions:
- Stay close to your friends
In a study conducted in a police academy the researchers discovered something surprising. Most groups of friends had one thing in common: the initial of their last name.
How is it possible? Is sharing the first letter of the last name enough to create a friendship?
Not quite. The policemen were distributed in barracks according to the alphabetical order of their surname. It was the fact of spending more time together that made them friends.Physical proximity is essential to solidify a friendship. The more contact you have with someone, the better you will know your personalities and the more confidence you will have. That’s why the usual thing is to be friends with our neighbors or whoever feels close to us at work.
I remember that friendship with one of my best friends was born by sitting together at school for a while, and I also used to fall in love with the girls who shared a desk with me in class. The friction makes the love!Proximity works independently of the things you have in common. This is called the “exposure effect” and has been widely studied: the simple act of seeing someone can often make you end up liking them more.According to this, the best places to make new friends are those in which you spend more time. If you want to make friends with someone in particular try to sit near him at work, meals or parties, and match as much as possible. Logically without going through!
- Show your vulnerability as soon as possible
Once you have made sure that you are going to coincide with that person often, the time has come to use the vulnerability in your favor.Many people believe that one should not open too much to the beginning of a relationship or show weaknesses. That the important thing is to appear confident and secure so that others trust them, right?
Well, it’s totally the other way around.
Vulnerability is power. It has been shown that sharing personal experiences, even with people we have just met, can create strong bonds such as best friendships in less than an hour. For real.The most solid bond that can be formed between two people is trust. And when you expose your fears or insecurities you are giving your confidence.
Open up It reveals something about you that makes you vulnerable. Some people are not able to connect with anyone because they are too afraid to be foolish or hurt. But science has shown that vulnerability is one of the basic ingredients to create a friendship.It is not necessary that you discover your best kept secret. You can start by adding something a little more personal to your conversation to see how the other person responds.
Here are some ideas about what you could talk about:
- Your childhood dream
- What you learned from a past relationship
- What you would improve in your relationship with your family
- What worries you the most in the short term
- How do you feel in this moment of life
Do you seem interested? Does he react by revealing something personal about her? Then you are on the right path 🙂
- Find what binds you (as simple as it sounds)
When you have shared something more personal about yourself, or at the same time, your goal is to find similarities, because we connect better with those we think are more like us.But in this case it is better quantity than quality; The key is how many similarities you are able to find, and not which ones in particular.
Finding what unites you can seem complicated when you still do not know yourself too much, but it is usually as simple as being more interested in your interlocutor and talking less about you. Or simply ask him what he spends his free time. With that you will already have 80% of the way traveled.If you need more help, here is a guide on how to hold conversations to find common links.
- Deepen your link by asking about your emotions
Very good. Now you are part of your usual environment, trust you because you have shown some vulnerability, and also have things in common. But if you do not go deeper you run the risk of staying forever in that zone of courtesy, where the conversations are superficial and there is not much more to talk about.
- Get out of the routine and do something exciting
In my office I had been meeting with the same people for many years. With several of them I had sincerely emotionally shared common interests and held deep conversations.However, I only consider “friends” those with whom I traveled for personal reasons (my first trip to Japan was with colleagues at work), even though I knew them less.
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